How did I get here?
In the spring of 2011 I bought these cropped pale pink pants from Old Navy. I loved them. I was devastated when they got stained by some parasitic berries in our backyard (OK, genius, so don’t wear beloved clothes while doing yardwork, eh? Maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me something). I wore these pants constantly until I packed them away for the season.
Where did I go wrong?
- Size/Cut: Pretty sure these were a size too big. Also, they were made out of some kind of twill that stretched like crazy. Straight from the dryer they were ok, but after a few hours they’d be falling off. If I’m being honest, I liked this about them. They were comfy and made me feel skinny. But I should have known better: It is a truth universally acknowledged that while too-big clothes make you feel tiny, they don’t make you look that way.
- Cut: The style was pretty slouchy–they hung low on the hips and were a bit shapeless.
- Length: These were way too long for me, partly because my legs are shorter than average and partly because the pants were hanging lower than they should. In the last picture, where I’m wading, you can see that I rolled up the cuffs a couple more times–and for the first time, they look like proper cropped pants. (Unfortunately, thanks to my robust calves, this was cutting off circulation to my feet).
- Color: I’m not really sure what I was thinking here. As a general rule, darker pants are more flattering on me. I don’t really wear pastels. At all. Ever. I think Real Simple told me they were in (of course, they were talking about Grecian-style loungewear for my next trip to the Riviera). I probably thought this would be a safe baby step into the world of colored pants, when really it was a huge fumble.
- Ensemble: I made all kinds of mistakes here. Neither the sandals nor the black flats work with these pants, and the black coat…..ack. What can you do, though? I was traveling, and wasn’t going to carry more than one jacket in my suitcase.
How can I make cropped pink pants work for me?
- I’ll go for a bolder or darker color. The whole point of colored pants is to make a statement!
- I’ll look for a sleeker cut–more structured/tailored. Less going on with belt loops, pockets, cuffs, etc. Nothing identified as “boyfriend” style.
- I’ll try the petite section. Petite full-length pants are usually too short for me, but for a cropped style, the shorter cut might make it clear that I’m doing this on purpose.
- I’ll try to buy pants that actually fit, though I can’t make any promises. This is an ongoing problem for the pear-shaped among us: pants that fit in the waist don’t fit in the thighs, and vice versa.
- I’ll wear ballet flats or moccasins/boaters, in a neutral or a color that’s not so drastically different from the color of the pants.
- When I upgrade to traveling with steamer trunks, hatboxes, and an entourage, I will be sure to have my personal servant pack the perfect coat for each outfit.
How does this fascinating story end?
I lost weight in the winter and spring of 2012, and when I unpacked my summer clothes, these pants were huge. Like, two of me could fit in them. (Weird, because this was not drastic, “results not typical” weight loss. Most of my other clothes were still wearable. Further evidence that these pants were too big to begin with.) I used this as an excuse to get rid of them immediately, and the blight of 2011 was contained. I have not purchased anymore cropped pants or pink pants since then.