Let me clarify: the picture looks fine, too (except for the part where I seem to have black hair). That’s not what I mean.
Where this outfit didn’t work was actually on my body, walking around and doing stuff. I guess I have this crazy notion that your clothes should help you live your life, rather than hindering that process. That was not my experience today. It was like all the pieces were fighting each other. The combatants were:
- Mossimo cardigan, Target, March 2013. Notice that my right wrist cuff is all stretched out from me pushing up the sleeves! This part of my outfit was innocent of all wrongdoing.
- Silver and malachite necklace, purchased in a Mexico border town (Nuevo Laredo?), 2001. Also innocent.
- Turquoise Merona collared wrapdress, Target, ca. fall 2009. Here is the source of all the trouble. Let’s just say, this dress is not an asset to my abbey. I always want it to be easy and comfortable, and it never complies. Because of the wrap style, the neckline is too low and the skirt has a bad habit of falling open when I walk or sit. Also the fabric is strange: it feels like heavy cotton blended with something stretchy. Shouldn’t this be really easy to wear and maintain? Wrong. I think it has shrunk–I don’t remember it being quite so many inches above my knees. It wrinkles like crazy and is really hard to iron. I put some deep creases right into the front of it by mistake last time, and the iron also leaves a mysterious pattern like a chain link fence on the fabric. It fades eventually, but not before you try to wear the thing in public. This dress needs to be retired, or perhaps transferred to the beachwear department.
- Gray tank top with lace trim, Old Navy, ca. fall 2009. This top is too big. It bunches up when layered and the lace trim never shows the way I want it to. Also up for retirement or transfer.
- Yellow v-neck tshirt, Orchid Lane ca. spring 2010. I love this tshirt, but sandwiched between the dress and the tank it was just a mess. And if I really felt it was necessary to wear not one but two tops under the dress for modesty, perhaps I should have chosen ones that actually have higher necklines than the dress over them.
- Gray knit tights, ca. 2007. I love these tights. They are like sweaters for my legs and Lord knows when it’s 25 degrees in mid-March my legs need sweaters. But they contributed to my troubles today: the knit kept getting stuck to my dress, causing the skirt to ride up. (Yes, excessively inquisitive reader, I did wear a slip, but it didn’t do any good. Just one more thing to get all tangled up in there)
- Gray lace up granny boots, on clearance at Target, January 2012. These shoes are fine, but have tall stacked heels, higher than I’m used to wearing. No big deal, but made me a bit more tottery than usual today.
So basically, I spent the whole day staggering around, pulling my skirt down and my shirt up. It’s all fine and dandy to dress provocatively on purpose, but there’s nothing more uncomfortable than trying to dress professionally (or just, you know, normally) and realizing as soon as you leave the house that you’ve made a terrible mistake (or several), and you’re going to spend the rest of the day literally trying to cover your ass.
As a general rule, an ensemble that ties itself in knots as soon as you move or breathe is not a success. I liked this look, but I don’t think I can do it again–at least not on a typical day involving such intense activities as writing email and getting a cup of coffee.