Sam finished his master’s program this week! (Everybody together now: yaaaaaaaaay Sam!). So I tried to honor his achievement with a batch of Oreo truffles. If you have never had these things, I suggest you leave your computer immediately and rectify that shit.
We had these for them first time two years ago at Sam’s friends’ annual study abroad reunion. This is when a whole bunch of people who lived together for a semester gather and relive all of their drunken inside jokes while their wives smile weakly and eat Oreo truffles by the dozen. No, actually it is really fun. Not kidding about the truffles, though.
We encountered these again at Kelsey’s wedding last month, where they were out for the taking on a sweet table. Sam is particularly bitter about this, because he filled up a whole box with them to take home, and then while we were dancing, the catering staff took them away. I can only hope that some kid ate them all in the kitchen, and that they didn’t just get tossed out. What a waste that would be.
Anyway. Given his recent Oreo truffle heartbreak, and the fact that these things have only three ingredients (Oreos, cream cheese, chocolate) and don’t have to be baked, I thought I would give them a shot. In theory, here’s how this works:
- Dump a package of Oreos into a food processor and turn into Oreo dust
- Mix in cream cheese to make Oreo mud
- Roll into balls
- Dip each one in melted chocolate
- Eat them all
OK, this is what they are supposed to look like:
And here’s my final product:
Um. Ok, let’s review this step-by-step:
First, a pro-tip: the family size package of Oreos has 48 instead of 36, so you can make the truffles and still eat a bunch of Oreos.
1. Dump a package of oreos into a food processor and turn into oreo dust. I don’t have a food processor, so I used my blender to bust up the Oreos. I never trust blenders because they don’t work they way they work on TV (press the button and all your food is instantly and perfectly pulverized). In real life, blenders take many minutes and appear to be doing nothing. I always think the motor is going to burn out and give up altogether. But eventually, it did exactly what it was supposed to do.
2. Mix in cream cheese to make oreo mud: I let a block of neufchatel cheese soften on the counter for awhile and then cut it into chunks and threw them in a bowl with the dust. This is when it would be nice to have a pastry blender. But you can also use a knife and fork to cut in the cream cheese, just like I might with the butter in an imaginary world where I make homemade pie crust.
3. Roll into balls. The consistency of the filling should be smushable, smooth, and just slightly sticky. I added a glob of peanut butter to my mix for fun and because I am apparently incapable of leaving well enough alone. I could also imagine instant coffee being a nice touch. This part seemed easy enough, although I suspect it is where I started to go all wrong.
4. Dip each one in melted chocolate. What’s that? You did melt some chocolate, didn’t you? Like ten minutes ago, when you were blending up the Oreos? Good. OK, so…..there are some things in life that I am good at, but it turns out that dipping balls of cookie crumbs and cream cheese into molten chocolate with my bare hands ain’t one of ’em.
It might have helped if the kitchen hadn’t been 9,000 degrees, or if I had been patient enough to chill or even freeze the truffle balls so they would stay together in the melted chocolate. I might also have considered using a spoon or perhaps tongs to dip the truffles, rather than my bare hands. Just spitballing here.
Eventually I really gave up and just started dropping blobs on the cookie sheet like chocolate chip cookie dough, and sort of spooning/pouring chocolate on top. Whatevs.
5. Chill Check
6. Eat them all Check
OK, so my technique needs some work before I take these out in public and offer them to anyone who isn’t married to me. But cripes do they taste good.