June Check in (or: oh shit, the year’s half gone)

Hey, it’s been awhile…let’s check in on ye olde resolutions.

  1. Drink more water. Still still still no.
  2. Sleep at least 6 hours per night. Still no. This is getting better-ish, though, as a few major committee obligations have wrapped up and everyone shifts gears into the generally more low-key summer pace of life. 
  3. Aim for 7. NOPE.
  4. Exercise 5 days per week. Absolutely no success here, until this weekend, when we walked to the pool and swam twice. Now, this was bobbing about in the shallow end, not laps or anything, but I did a lot of moving around this weekend, and it felt good. At a doctor’s appt a few weeks ago I expressed my concerns and dismay about this and she basically gave me absolution, like, if I’m not already doing this because it’s personally important to me, I need to be realistic about the fact that I’m probably not going to suddenly start going to the gym five days a week, and just focus on moving more, as much as I can. Feels like a cop out, but also feels like a relief to hear someone say, “look, you work full time, you have a two year old, don’t lie awake feeling guilty because you’re not following the generic universal guidelines for cardio.” That’s not to say that this is an excuse, or it’s impossible to do–of course many working parents run marathons (including some readers of this blog). But whatever. I’m not right now, and I can and should focus on smaller steps, and not get so overwhelmed and discouraged I abandon all hope. 
  5. Eat more vegetables. Keep this up OK, though my love affair with roasting is less appealing as it gets hotter and hotter in my a/c free house. Next step: get the grill out and working? 
  6. Be kinder to my spouse. Feels like this is going well lately. 
  7. Be less rigid.
  8. Have more fun.
  9. Roll with the punches.
  10. Take the long view. Everything is temporary. Everything can change. Indeed, everything will change, whether I want it to or not.
  11. Take myself as seriously as I expect other people to take me (like, carry business cards and shit). I still really struggle with OWNING my stuff, preferring to see myself as a marginal helper on everything that I’m responsible for. Think about that later. 
  12. But also take stuff in general less seriously.
  13. But also do not become complacent/paralyzed/apathetic re: the world/our nation/social justice. I’m glad I set up all those monthly donations because it means I’m contributing *something* to the overall good even as I’m doing shit all else–which, alas, does continue to be the case. 
  14. Just keep grieving. Getting over the one year mark was fascinating because because I felt, like, a physical weight lift. It’s not like it made everything go away–far from it–but it somehow felt like permission to have hold this at the top of everything in my mind and heart. The Victorians knew what they were about, maybe. 
  15. Pull my weight re: nurturing friendships; do my fair share of organizing, hosting, prodding, reaching out, reminding, and lowering the overhead as much as possible for busy people to spend good time together. Yeah! Starting last week we launched Welzillian Wednesdays, open cocktails/snacks on our back patio on Wednesday evenings after L goes to bed. Now, we’ll just wait and see if anyone shows. 
  16. Participate in the weekly Sunday night potluck dinner organized by a former neighbor at least quarterly. Aim for monthly. Goal retired.
  17. Cook more real food for dinner at my house. Doing OK–probably 2-3 properly homemade meals per workweek, mixed in with 1-2 more semi-homemade/prepared dishes. As the weather gets warmer we eat lots more salads, and experiment with interesting ones, which is good all around and always feels like an easy, low-prep meal except for all the goddamn chopping. 
  18. Eat dinner as a family, at the table. Last time I checked in on these I was happy to abandon this goal–just for this brief stage of life– in favor of a relaxing evening enjoying my dinner. But now that she’s getting older and the days are getting longer (at this time of the year in Michigan it’s like until like 9:30) she’s staying up later. I think SK would like us to use this to eat together more. But from my POV, it’s still just as difficult to prep food and simultaneously chase her, and we still wind up having to leave half eaten food on the table when she can’t make it through the meal. It doesn’t solve any of the problems, just means we can’t eat until like 9 p.m. I’m feeling very protective of my extremely limited time to just chill and eat, the summer transition is becoming a problem for me. 
  19. Make time to speak with my mom at least weekly, more if possible. Yeah.
  20. Make time to speak to my aunt and my grandma at least monthly, more if possible. I haven’t kept up well with this. My grandma is now in the hospital post-surgery and my aunt is totally drained from care-taking, so I need to step up here. 
  21. Curtail Facebook usage (unless actually writing meaningful messages to the above or others) NOPE.
  22. Blog more. Meh. I guess monthly re-hashes are better than nothing? 
  23. Write more letters. Not yet. But my desk is all set up with my stamps and my address book and everything! 
  24. Make a weekend with Kelsey and Robyn happen.
  25. Visit my aunt and grandma in Denver .
  26. Get my high school girlfriends to Michigan for a visit. It’s booked!
  27. Take one awesome, adventurous, ambitious family vacation. It’s booked! Roma, here we come! 
  28. Make our bedroom a nice, warm, comfortable, functional, attractive, calming, intentional place to be, rather than the garbage pile where we hide everything that we don’t want anyone else to see. Paint. Window treatments. Closet. A bed. OK, as of like a week ago our bed is finally finished being built/hacked (it has a storage headboard that mounts to the wall, but we had to cut some rather ugly notches into it to fit around a windowsill. It’s IKEA, it’s fine). It’s super functional and having this done is prompting us forward…..slowly. 
  29. Renovate our kitchen. NOPE.
  30. Establish a personal desk/table/corner/space for my crafts/personal projects/special off-limits pens/whatever YES, DONE, AND IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE! 
  31. When not on vacation/sick/out of the office, respond to email within 48 hour. LOL 
  32. Fix our goddamn roof. YES DONE! (Now just to fix/clean up the interior wall/ceiling that got all fucked up from the water)
  33. Obtain access to a functional and comfortable bicycle. NOPE
  34. Create playroom space in our basement. NOPE
  35. Swimming lessons for Liddie. NOPE, but we have taken her to the pool and she LOVES it, and we’re working on going underwater, kicking her feet, etc. I know that proper swimming lessons would be a really, really good idea, too, but I feel like we are taking big steps to get her comfortable and safe in the water. 
  36. Take Liddie ice skating. NOPE
  37. Help my mom move out of our family home. Ease this transition as much as possible with significant practical and emotional support, i.e. a substantial stay with her this spring.  Cry as much as needed. Do not withdraw, do not fail to show up for this. I’ve made three weekend trips in favor of this cause already. This weekend is *finally* the “real” move, and I wasn’t going to go because she had other help lined up, but that has fallen through for various awful emergency reasons, so now I’m trying to see if I can….
  38. Cruise on my brother’s schooner!!! Booked for Labor Day weekend!
  39. Make regular donations to worthy causes. Ongoing.
  40. Visit with Liddie’s birthmother in person at least once. Aim for three times. We have had some contact via text and agreed to a plan, but have yet to schedule it–I think this will be the hard part…
  41. Do something fun on purpose for my birthday. YES! Over the weekend Kelly, Mallory, and I went to East Lansing to see Fun Home–which I am still thinking about constantly–and enjoyed a sushi feast with tasty cocktails to boot. Good birthday. Alos, on my actual birthday, I told L. what day it was and completely unprompted she started singing to me, so, best present ever. Goal complete. 
  42. Participate in the neighborhood yard sale. Done, though not as spectactularly successful as in years past. We made a dent in the stuff in the basement, and then the next day realized that we completely forgot to put out a stupid chair and lamp that are taking up a huge amount of space in the basement. I really, really don’t want to hold them till next year, so maybe we’ll just put them on the curb. Goal complete. 
  43. Go to the beach. House booked for family beach vacation the weekend before July 4. 
  44. Find a way that also works for spouse to regularly schedule to space and time to myself that does not involve staying up puttering until 1 a.m.: mental health days, Saturday mornings out, whatever. This has stagnated and it shows…. 
  45. Set up auto-pay or reminders as appropriate to pay all bills on time. This really remains more of an issue than it should be. 
  46. Clean house more consistently. Sweep, vacuum and bathrooms weekly, that would be  a significant improvement and good enough. Nope. Has completely fallen off a cliff.
  47. See more movies in the theater. Enough movies that I’m not devastated every time I manage to go and it doesn’t live up to my expectations. I love going to the movies. It brings me joy and it is probably the number one thing that I used to do a lot of and now do practically none of. Saw Wonder Woman, which  makes….two movies in a theater so far this year? At least I liked both of them, which is a lot of progress over 2016. 
  48. See at least one live theater performance. YUP–Fun Home, as above. I absolutely loved it and feel every human should see it. Was hoping to also take my mom to My Fair Lady at the Lyric Opera, but that didn’t quite work out. Will try to be more proactive about looking for more opportunities, but technically, goal complete. 
  49. Have a big-ass Christmas tree. Brought back an artificial tree from my mom’s house. I don’t think it’s that big, but at least we’ll definitely have a full size tree this year. And it was free, so that’s cool. I love decorating a Christmas tree, so looking forward to it. 

Almost halfway through the year, I’ve made progress on many. 8/49 are fully completed. Many more than that have significant progress, or are open-ended in such a way that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to call them done. Tolerable.

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