Resolved for 2018

Posted on January 7, 2019 by Rebecca W.

In 2017 I took new approach to New Year’s Resolutions: rather than selecting 1-3 big things to focus on, I made a giant list of everything that passed through my head that I wanted to do, accomplish, or change in 2017. To my surprise, this approach actually worked pretty well. I didn’t get everything done, but I didn’t really expect to. And I did do a lot more than I expected–including some things I’d been wanting to do for years and had never gotten around to. I did the same thing in 2018 but I never got around to posting it. However, I’ve had the full list of resolutions in draft form for the full year, so what the heck: I’ll run through ’em and see what we did.

Drink more water Hit or miss on this one. It comes and goes in phases. But…mostly no.
~~Establish a regular exercise regimen for cardio and strength~~ I did GREAT on this from January – Memorial Day. I was swimming at least twice a week and as the weather got warmer started biking as well. Then (surprise!) a new baby arrived and everything went off the rails. In the fall I started ice skating a couple of times a week and I’m trying to re-establish good habits from here. I’ll call it a success, with the challenge that I have to kind of start all over again in 2019.
~~Vacation to Chicago~~ For the last two years, my visits to the homeland have been dominated by need and obligation: health crises, helping with packing and moving, specific commitments like parties, weddings, or showers. This year I want to spend some proper vacation time with my mom at home; take time to see my old friends and their children; and take Liddie to see and enjoy some of the glory that is Chicago in the summertime. She’s almost three and she’s literally never been downtown–not OK. Maybe we’ll even take the train from Ann Arbor! We did it! A week in late June/early July.
Get Kelsey and Robyn to visit me in Michigan Nope–no luck this year, despite repeated attempts. Looking to 2019….
Don’t drink alcohol or eat desserts while sitting around at home on weekday evenings. I did really well on this from, like….March-June. Ha.
Bring healthy snacks to work. I got a bento-style lunch box that I really like and it (sometimes) helps. A good effort was made. Could be more consistent in 2019.
~~Lose 15 pounds~~ Here was my rationale last January: Ugh, I’m so mixed on this one. I hate putting, like, a pound goal on here. I’d rather focus on nutritional things like eating a more plant-based diet, or exercise things, like, um, exercising. And I do have variations of those things on my list. As I did (and even accomplished) last year. But the fact of the matter is I just keep gaining weight, especially in the last half of 2018, after holding steady for a couple of years. It just keeps going up, like, almost weekly. This may be a side effect of medication, as well as age, sedentariness, winter, etc. I don’t want to obsess about this, but I also can’t healthily stay on this trajectory. I want to get back to a more balanced place, where my clothes fit, I feel better, I don’t get winded on the stairs, my joints don’t complain. I know where that point is, and I might as well just lay it out there so I can aim for it. In conclusion: I continued to gain weight through the end of March, hitting a new lifetime high. I then embarked on a pretty focused calorie-counting program, and lost almost 15 pounds in a couple of months (the first half of that fell off fast, just extra bloat/bulk I was carrying around). However, because of how much I’d actually gained in the last year, I really would have liked to lose another 10-15 to even get back to the high end of healthy for me. But, baby life de-reailed that plan. I’m holding steady-ish and OK with it. Having halted the scary steady gain, in 2019 I really just want to focus on intuitive eating and adequate sleep, exercise, and water intake.
~~Cut back on Noosa.~~ Go back to plain Greek yogurt. In service of the above. Yeah, we consume an absurd amount of this high-sugar, high-fat dessert yogurt in our house. It’s not unlike just eating ice cream all the time. Time to rein it in. Yeah, pretty much. L isn’t that into it anymore either (I guess our days of #lemonyogurt are over?) and it’s probably for the best.
Sleep. Like water, this is hit or miss and lately, more miss. Keep trying!
~~See more movies either at the theater, or rented from iTunes.~~ Yes! So many great movies this year. Plenty in the theater but also plenty of new/recent movies rented at home. I feel pretty up to speed on things, and I really, really enjoyed a lot of what I saw this year! Mary Poppins Returns, The Favourite, BlackkKlansman, The Nutcracker and the Four Realms, Skyscraper, Eighth Grade, The Spy Who Dumped Me, Crazy Rich Asians, Sorry to Bother You, Blindspotting, Black Panther, The Post, The Greatest Showman, A Quiet Place, Can You Ever Forgive Me, Oceans 8, Blockers, Solo…probably even more? It was a great year for movies.
Keep up contact with family. This is still hard. Always crossing wires/time with relatives and I just don’t do a very good job of holding up my end. Continuing challenge.
~~Send more cards and letters.~~ Well, I mean, this is the first year that I was consistently communicating with more than one person in prison/detention so as a result of that, I sent more regular letters/cards than I have in years. Not the best way to have that play out. In 2019 I’d like to send more, um, positive correspondence.
~~Publish something.~~ This is a specific career-related goal that’s really a holdover from last year. I had a number of opportunities in 2017 to publish work that I’d done, and never managed to follow through on the basic requirements of just. getting. it. done. So! This year I challenge myself to DO IT. OK, in 2018 nothing got ultimately published, something is in the woks and well on its way. It was exhausting and draining and a lot of work and I hated it and I did it (almost did it–still some final work to do). Wahoo!
Relaxing beach vacation. I’m just gonna leave this on the list forever. Especially because it did not happen in 2018 😦
~~Do up my mom’s 60th birthday right.~~ Yes! Brother and I took my mom to Amsterdam for a few days for her birthday. It was wonderful!
Pay more attention to my dog. Mmmm, sort of. We got better at this in the last few months of the year. Let’s keep it up!
Make a real go of biking to work Did not accomplish because life was upended (in a good way) in May. Interested in putting it on the list for 2019!
~~Replace broken, shitty, or inappropriate things as needed~~ We got A/C and replaced our fridge! Does that count?
Figure out *something* re: cleaning We had a good habit getting formed in the spring and then baby threw everything off track. On the list again for 2019. So far if this past weekend is any indication, we’re off to a decent start.
~~Add to our family?~~ YES! Amazing, miraculous surprise Simona. I don’t remember anything from before she arrived on May 24.
~~Get our finances back in order so that we’re contributing regularly to our savings account.~~We were…then the holidays happened and 2 kids in daycare happened. Need to revisit and figure out WTH is going on. But I’ll count it because you know what, we did get there, for awhile in the middle of the year, and it counts. We just have to, like, do it again this year.
Get estate planning, wills and living wills, etc., fully under control. Ugh, close but no cigar. We signed up for the legal plan at work, I requested a case number, contacted a local attorney and….went no further. We do have named guardians but–again–none of this is legally enshrined. This is so, so, so important and needs to get done. Making this a Q1 goal for 2019 especially since (see below) this has become a bit of a hobby horse for me.
~~Find a way to volunteer with hospice or similar~~ I reached out but then unfortunately people in my family kept, um, dying. Hospice has a (good, reasonable) rule that you need to wait 12 months after the death of someone close to you before you volunteer. So, you know, fingers crossed…maybe later this year. I am still deeply interested in death and dying and want to find ways to engage with people here. Throughout the year I continued to read and educate myself. I’ll give myself credit for doing as much as was possible in 2018.
Fix up our bedroom Made some small improvements to storage. It still feels far from done. As we make progress on other areas of the house (kitchen is on the calendar for Q1 2019!) hopefully we’ll finally get to our own space.
~~Celebrate my dad’s birthday with love~~ Lol. On my dad’s birthday I made an emergency redeye flight to Denver to be with my grandmother (his mother) who was horrendously sick and seemed to be dying (she lived another 5 months). It was awful but….I guess there was, indeed, love? Not exactly how I’d wanted to mark the occasion, but I was with (his) family so. I guess. I did what I had to do.
~~Get out quarterly with spouse~~ Yeah! And in the second half the year we even made it monthly. Good commitment, keep it up. Pre-booking the babysitter months ahead of time is the secret here.
~~Reduce the number of things (projects, people, commitments) in my life that I dread~~ Hm, yeah, actually, I think kind of. Feeling good about the trajectory anyway.
Get re-engaged with my community Not really and in fact I’m not even sure what this means right now and I’ve kind of (unfortunately) totally lost interest. Shrug.
Skin care Apparently earlier in the year I thought this was a yes? Shrug.
Flossing Lol nope.
More vegetables again Yeah, pretty good. Here I am most satisfied with the meal prep and planning I’ve been doing since September. We’re cooking for real, even with the two kiddos and working full time. It’s an accomplishment and I’m proud of it.
~~Active nurturing of friendships–especially, hosting~~ Some! Coordinated our SI reunion visit in March, coordinated a birthday movie get together, and hosted a small handful of “book club” / snacks, wine, and venting evenings. We didn’t succeed with our weekly drinks nights like we did in 2017 but we did what we could our own ways. It’s important to me that our home feel like a warm and welcoming place so we’ll keep on this.
~~See more of Sam’s friends~~ Not really? But…kind of? Jon and Jill came to visit us in February and we saw them again in Chicago in July. We also saw Molly and Andrew in the summer. So…sure, yes, I’ll take it. More than the last few years, anyway, I guess?
Celebrate our anniversary properly I literally do not remember what we did for our anniversary. I have actually no idea. But we’ve already started planning something special for next year, which will be our ten year, so there’s that!
Make regular time for professional/scholarly reading. Mmm not really. I struggle with this so much.
Give blood Nope
Get our chimney/fireplace inspected and fixed Nope
~~Attend least one professional (or very high-quality) theater performance~~ Yes! In the Heights, West Side Story, Waitress, A Little Night Music, and a local performance of The Nutcracker. Good year for theater and lots of good stuff on the horizon for 2019! I’m really excited about making this a regular part of our lives.
Get our garage cleaned and sorted Nope.
~~Improve storage in our basement~~ YES! Now…can we maintain it? That’s the question…..
Continue to process/make a dent in our overstock of books. Maybe? Time to Marie Kondo this thing.

19/41. Not fantastic, but pretty good considering one of the things outweighed all the others in terms of awesomeness, as well as consumption of all time, energy, and spare resources.

Also, a few holdovers from 2017:

~~Swimming lessons for Liddie-~~-yes! Did in first quarter of 2018
~~Ice skating with Liddie~~–Yes! Technically was January 1, 2019 but I think it counts.
~~Renovate our kitchen~~–we met with a contractor, got estimates, made plans, and the work will actually happen in 2019.

On to 2019!

2017 — A Year in YouTube

Posted on July 26, 2018 by Rebecca W.

I’ve been thinking about writing this post since the end of 2017. Since we’re now more than halfway through 2018, I better get to it before I forget! For most of 2017, L didn’t have the attention span for movies or even TV shows–but videos (especially music videos) on youtube were right up her alley. Here’s a rough month-by-month summary of what we watched a million times on repeat over the course of that year:

January: We Are the Champions

February: Conga

March: The Circle of Life

April: Can’t Stop the Feeling

May: Chandelier

June: Yanni Master Class — Keyboard

July: Manta Ray Rescue

August: Spot the Robot Dog

September: Defying Gravity

October: The Battle of Yorktown

November: Baby Shark

December: Rockettes Christmas Spectacular

Bonus track (that I forgot about until it came up again independently this morning):

The Fire One and the Flower One

Posted on November 3, 2017 by Rebecca W.

My daughter just watched her first full-length movie this week: Moana. She’s been watching the songs and clips on youtube for almost a year, so she’s very familiar with the characters and the music, but she hasn’t had the attention span to actually watch a movie until now.

My daughter has also been Going Through Some Stuff this week. The seasons are changing, I think she’s growing (she’s had a really hard time waking up in the mornings!) and she’s been extra clingy, with her teacher and with us–and then extra tantrumy when things don’t go her way, or when she has to share attention with other kids at school.

Trying to make sense of all of this has made me appreciate so much of what is wonderful and unique about Moana. We could write dozens of posts about what is good and not good about this movie (and others have), but for today’s purposes, I just want to focus on Te Ka and Te Fiti or, as my daughter calls them, “The Fire One” and “The Flower One.”

[OK, guys, Moana spoilers from here on out, but if you haven’t seen it yet by now I am not too worried about spoiling it for you]

When I saw the movie for the first time, I didn’t see it coming that Te Ka and Te Fiti were one and the same until just moments before it was revealed. I just was not expecting it, because it’s so fundamentally against the Disney MO! That the scary witch wasn’t just inherently evil and bad and needed to be killed, but that she had been injured and wronged, and she was hurt and sad and fucking angry about it (**ahem** if you’ve noticed in the meantime that Ursula, Maleficent, et al were almost universally powerful female rulers who had their power stolen from them, and were trying to get it back…?). And when someone (Moana) took the time to look at what was going on, and (crucially) amends were made, Te Ka recovered and transformed (back) into Te Fiti.

This was reassuring to my daughter in the most simplistic way while we watched the movie: The Fire One was scary, but then she turned into the Flower One. Imagine! A fairy tale resolved with healing, not with murder.

But it’s also been helpful this week, as we talk about her feelings and behavior. It’s been a rough one. There has been hitting, kicking, biting, pushing, screaming. And it has been so useful to be able to point to this image: that sometimes, when we’re scared or hurting or angry or confused, we are all The Fire One. And other times, when we’re well-nourished, well-loved, when we feel that we’re being seen and heard, we’re The Flower One. We’re still the same person. We’re not inherently bad or good. Sometimes we feel scared (and sometimes we act scary). Sometimes we’re at peace and better able to blossom. But that can (and does) change, back and forth, back and forth. And Moana’s greatest act of heroism is to see The Flower One through The Fire One, to help bring her back to herself–and to force those who wronged her to make amends. And so may we all.

Love to all my Fire Ones and Flower Ones out there…..

My reading list for illness, death, and grief

Posted on November 1, 2017 by Rebecca W.

Most readers of this blog will know that my dad died, unexpectedly and awfully, almost exactly a year and a half ago. Some of you may even read my other, semi-secret blog specifically about that experience (if that’s something you’re interested in reading and you don’t have access to it, just let me know).

In that time, I’ve read a lot about death and dying and grief (sometimes it’s felt like that’s the *only* thing I could read about!). Some of these have helped me to process and heal; others have helped me to wallow; others have been acutely painful, but made me feel less alone; some were just numbing or a distraction. Below is a list of my “top” recommendations for someone facing the death of a loved one. They’re in no particular order because there’s not really a meaningful ranking here. This is just as they occurred to me. Continue reading →

Resolutions — March Check-in

Posted on April 12, 2017 by Rebecca W.

Drink more water. Still no.
Sleep at least 6 hours per night. Still no. The conference I was planning is over, and we’re drawing near to the end of promotion review season, so we’re maybe, kinda, sorta getting there. But also, it’s on *me* to make this happen. There will always be an excuse to stay up and putter, and I’m so very good at puttering.
Aim for 7. NOPE.
Exercise 5 days per week. Yeah, I’ve almost completely abandoned all hope here. I’m out of ideas about how to even get started again. No interest, no will, no motivation.
Eat more vegetables. Doing OK. Not killing it as we did in February, but doing ok. Last week there was cauliflower and roasted potatoes and squash. This week has been all about vegetable tortilla stew and baked parmesan zucchini fries, both from Chrissy Teigen’s cookbook. I guess the last two weeks were April, though, so maybe it doesn’t count. In March I successfully roasted up and ate carrots that were in my fridge from THANKSGIVING! Merit badge?
Be kinder to my spouse. Always needs work, but we’ve managed to make time for some good, serious conversations lately, and we had a date night out in March, which makes two months in a row. Every time we manage to do this I am 1) Shocked by how much I love my husband’s company 2) Shocked and horrified that I had somehow forgotten this in the daily struggle over dishes and poop and commuting and stupid work.
Be less rigid.
Have more fun.
Roll with the punches.
Take the long view. Everything is temporary. Everything can change. Indeed, everything will change, whether I want it to or not.
Take myself as seriously as I expect other people to take me (like, carry business cards and shit). OK, there was some serious excellence and ass-kicking at the conference I helped to plan. Though I did not give out a single goddamn business card. Now that I have them, no one wants them! And now I’m burned out and back in avoidance and self-sabatoge mode. Gah! Stop!
But also take stuff in general less seriously.
But also do not become complacent/paralyzed/apathetic re: the world/our nation/social justice. I’ve done effectively NOTHING in March. One call to my representative re: ACA. Ongoing monthly donations to ACLU and PP.
Just keep grieving. I’ve successfully written a lot elsewhere about my dad’s death, which has been helpful in releasing *some* of the stuff. We’re now right in the thick of the one year stuff. In fact, *today* one year ago was (for me) the worst day of the entire time he was hospitalized.
Pull my weight re: nurturing friendships; do my fair share of organizing, hosting, prodding, reaching out, reminding, and lowering the overhead as much as possible for busy people to spend good time together. Going ok–I feel like I’ve backed off a little this month, but have been thankful that others have stepped up to make stuff happen. Thanks, friends!
Participate in the weekly Sunday night potluck dinner organized by a former neighbor at least quarterly. Aim for monthly. Goal retired.
Cook more real food for dinner at my house. We continue on a sustainable, moderate path. We had friends come last weekend and I really enjoyed preparing a meal (yeah, only one) for them. This weekend we’ll be hosting family for Easter and I’m excited to cook for that, too.
Eat dinner as a family, at the table. Abandon ship. Here’s the thing: even if we can get dinner on the table while the kid’s awake, dinner is a rushed nightmare. I work hard! Then I come home and wrangle a toddler! I’m tired at the the end of the day! I want to enjoy my food, maybe even with an adult beverage a few times a week, not wolf down half of it while the child melts down and eats only yogurt and grapes. It is important that she see us eating nutritious food together and learn to behave at the table. But not at the expense of, like, the one small joy of my day to day harried routine. There will be time for this. Upside/downside? She now consistently asks me to sit with her while she eats. And, cue guilt.
Make time to speak with my mom at least weekly, more if possible. I think we’re doing it? It feels like we’re *seeing* her pretty frequently, too, which feels more important.
Make time to speak to my aunt and my grandma at least monthly, more if possible. Hmm. Overdue to give them a call.
Curtail Facebook usage (unless actually writing meaningful messages to the above or others) NOPE.
Blog more. Meh. I guess monthly re-hashes are better than nothing?
Write more letters. Not yet.
~~Make a weekend with Kelsey and Robyn happen.~~
~~Visit my aunt and grandma in Denver~~ .
Get my high school girlfriends to Michigan for a visit. It’s booked!
Take one awesome, adventurous, ambitious family vacation. It’s booked! Roma, here we come!
Make our bedroom a nice, warm, comfortable, functional, attractive, calming, intentional place to be, rather than the garbage pile where we hide everything that we don’t want anyone else to see. Paint. Window treatments. Closet. A bed. No progress whatsoever. We hung up curtains in our living room and guest room, though!
Renovate our kitchen. NOPE.
~~Establish a personal desk/table/corner/space for my crafts/personal projects/special off-limits pens/whatever~~ YES, DONE, AND IT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE!
When not on vacation/sick/out of the office, respond to email within 48 hour. LOL
~~Fix our goddamn roof.~~ YES DONE! (Now just to fix/clean up the interior wall/ceiling that got all fucked up from the water)
Obtain access to a functional and comfortable bicycle. NOPE
Create playroom space in our basement. NOPE
Swimming lessons for Liddie. NOPE
Take Liddie ice skating. NOPE
Help my mom move out of our family home. Ease this transition as much as possible with significant practical and emotional support, i.e. a substantial stay with her this spring. Cry as much as needed. Do not withdraw, do not fail to show up for this. This is scheduled for later this month.
Cruise on my brother’s schooner!!! Booked for Labor Day weekend!
Make regular donations to worthy causes. Ongoing.
Visit with Liddie’s birthmother in person at least once. Aim for three times. Have reached out to her twice. Nothing worked out yet, but we’ll see.
Do something fun on purpose for my birthday. Booked! Now, just to get everyone who owes me money to pay me back for the tickets…
Participate in the neighborhood yard sale. The pile is in my basement.
Go to the beach. Looking into some Michigan camping options for the summer….
Find a way that also works for spouse to regularly schedule to space and time to myself that does not involve staying up puttering until 1 a.m.: mental health days, Saturday mornings out, whatever. This has stagnated and it shows….
Set up auto-pay or reminders as appropriate to pay all bills on time. This month I paid my credit card bill on time, but due to various issues failed to pay the water bill for the second period in a row and received a shut off notice. All fixed now (including my name and address on the account so maybe next time I will actually receive the bill) .
Clean house more consistently. Sweep, vacuum and bathrooms weekly, that would be a significant improvement and good enough. We’re sweeping and vacuuming pretty well. The bathrooms could use more attention and the kitchen floor needs a mopping…
See more movies in the theater. Enough movies that I’m not devastated every time I manage to go and it doesn’t live up to my expectations. I love going to the movies. It brings me joy and it is probably the number one thing that I used to do a lot of and now do practically none of. SAW BEAUTY AND THE BEAST AND LOVED IT BEYOND ALL REASON, ABOUT WHICH MORE, LATER.
See at least one live theater performance. BOOKED!
Have a big-ass Christmas tree. LOOKING FORWARD TO IT!

Resolutions–January Review

POSTED ON FEBRUARY 5, 2017

Well, January felt like the longest month of all months ever. How are things going, resolution-wise? Exactly one thing actually crossed off the list. But progress on some others, and absolutely no progress on other others. Not a terrible start to the year!

Drink more water. This lasted about a week. Now I’m back to my usual dehydrating schedule of gallons of daily coffee. More water necessary. I definitely notice that on the days where I don’t drink enough water, getting through the evening commute/dinner hour/bedtime is rough–I get hangry and light-headed.
Sleep at least 6 hours per night. See below.
Aim for 7. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL! NOPE. Well, I’m alternating. Work has been busy and I’ve been up crazy late, way too often. Plus reading Twitter and fretting about the state of the world. I do this for about a week in a row until I’m completely exhausted and then go to bed freakishly early on alternate weeks. As usual, I’ve got to get back on a more moderate, regular schedule.
Exercise 5 days per week. See above.
Eat more vegetables. We’re doing it! See below. Still not as many as we should or could be eating, but there has been a real, significant uptick in the volume of fresh vegetables consumed.
Be kinder to my spouse. I try to observe and appreciate *everything,* not take anything for granted, and verbally thank as much as possible. Whether in general I’m in a more friendly mood overall, not so sure. But I am trying to be proactively more gracious and appreciative.
Be less rigid. Eh….
Have more fun. Eh….
Roll with the punches. Eh…..
Take the long view. Everything is temporary. Everything can change. Indeed, everything will change, whether I want it to or not. It’s hard to take the long view when the last two weeks has felt like ten years. Will keep trying.
Take myself as seriously as I expect other people to take me (like, carry business cards and shit). I think I am doing this. I’m assuming, for example, that I’m not dispensable or an accessory at things, and taking my attendance and contributions and leadership appropriately seriously, and I think it’s making a real difference. Bit by bit. So, I will keep it up.
But also take stuff in general less seriously. Eh….
But also do not become complacent/paralyzed/apathetic re: the world/our nation/social justice. I stalled out after Thanksgiving and it took until the travel ban to really get jump-started again. We marched in our little city on Jan 21 and that was great and important and galvanizing but let’s be honest, it was also largely a feel-good thing (if also a visibility thing). It wasn’t until I woke up last Saturday morning and read all the travel ban stuff that I got back on the phone with my representatives. I also spent about an hour digging about the Department of Homeland Security website until I found an appropriate number to call and complain, and I shared it with a few folks, who shared it with a few groups, and I know word got out to others. I don’t even know if it was the right number, but I did *something*, and the something had ripple effects. After the election, before Thanksgiving, the idea of having only one action a week felt absurd and not enough. And it probably isn’t enough. But now, now that we’re in it, for the long hall, holding myself to one concrete action a week means I’m *taking* one action a week, and it may help stretch out my stamina to stay in this, as long as we need to. So, trying to stay engaged, but also pace myself.
Just keep grieving. I feel like Trump has pulled me out of my grief slump kinda the same way WWII pulled America out of the Great Depression. Like, suddenly something so much bigger, requiring everyone to rally and work together and combine resources, has come into being, and as Enjolras put it, our littlel lives don’t count at all. But also: In January we had my aunt’s birthday, Liddie’s birthday, my grandma’s birthday, and my dad’s birthday, in that order. He had a huge sweet tooth, and I made a batch of double chocolate cupcakes–the same ones we had for his 60th birthday–to honor the day.
Pull my weight re: nurturing friendships; do my fair share of organizing, hosting, prodding, reaching out, reminding, and lowering the overhead as much as possible for busy people to spend good time together. Yeah! I’ve re-instated a weekly ice skating lunch with a good friend, hosted a book club meeting, and organized a trip to see a play with friends in June. Doin’ it! Will keep it up!
Participate in the weekly Sunday night potluck dinner organized by a former neighbor at least quarterly. Aim for monthly. Our neighbors are valiantly continuing to host this meal on a weekly basis, and we haven’t gone yet. By Sunday night we’re usually just feeling so tired and anti-social we’re not really up for anything. Will continue to try.
Cook more real food for dinner at my house. We’re doing it! But, it’s hard to say if it’s worth it. What does “worth it” even mean? These evenings are rough, and cooking with toddlers is rough. I used to think it was just an unfortunate coincidence that everyone I knew who had a bad accident in the kitchen had small children. Ha. THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. This WEEK alone, I burned my arm pretty badly and cut my finger. I admit that I *have* really been enjoying eating more actual, whole foods and fresh vegetables. Food tastes better and I appreciate it more. Will try to keep this up However, it turns out to be in conflict with the following:
Eat dinner as a family, at the table. Yeah! Kinda sorta. We’re doing it more than we ever did before, and it’s great! We like it, and Liddie likes it too! She now always tries to get us to sit down with her before she will eat. But cooking *and* eating together is hard. We did it for a week or so and her bedtime kept getting pushed later and later and later. I feel like we need to figure out some kind of balance between nights where she eats with us, but we have a super easy dinner, and nice where we cook something a little more involved and eat after she goes down. But *then* we achieve the goals of cooking more and eating together more, but we don’t have a predictable routine for the girl, and that’s something she likes and needs. *shrug.* So much of working + adulting + parenting = can’t win/do what you need to get by.
Make time to speak with my mom at least weekly, more if possible. We’re both sick and tired a lot, but we’re doing it!
Make time to speak to my aunt and my grandma at least monthly, more if possible. Well we’re only a month in, and I have talked to my grandma on the phone once and Skyped with my aunt with Liddie. So I guess technically I haven’t fallen behind yet, though I don’t feel like I’m doing much to reach out and be supportive. Keep it up, self, and don’t fall behind.
Curtail Facebook usage (unless actually writing meaningful messages to the above or others) That’s a big NOPE. I even blocked it from my work computer–and then unblocked it after two days.
Blog more. Not yet…
Write more letters. Not yet….see below: at some point I’ll unpack my stationery, pens, and address book and then I’ll get on with things. And I just wrote my first postcard of the year! (it’s to a friend, not a political protest) Now to actually mail it….
Make a weekend with Kelsey and Robyn happen. Yes! It’s happening! It’s booked! First weekend together in like ten years. I can’t wait! I’ll officially cross it off the list after it happens.
Visit my aunt and grandma in Denver Yup!–I’ll tack this on to the front of the weekend with Kelsey and Robyn. But, this is only a half success, I’d say: I’m not bringing Liddie on this trip, which will leave everyone in the family unsatisfied.
Get my high school girlfriends to Michigan for a visit. No plans yet.
Take one awesome, adventurous, ambitious family vacation. No plans yet. First concrete step: get Liddie a passport. I’m irrationally paranoid about doing this because I’m somehow afraid that the record of her birth certificate–literally the only evidence that we are family–will somehow disappear in the process, or that something will go terribly wrong. Need to just get on with it, as it will open up our options so much! Also to be prepared in case of emergency bug-out.
Make our bedroom a nice, warm, comfortable, functional, attractive, calming, intentional place to be, rather than the garbage pile where we hide everything that we don’t want anyone else to see. Paint. Window treatments. Closet. A bed. OK. We have a bed. It’s 90% assembled–the last step is going to be a stupid doozy. And no progress on anything else.
Renovate our kitchen. No progress. I’m coming around to really liking some parts of our kitchen. Other parts (portable dishwasher that connects to sink, flat white cupboards that show every single stain and grease spot) I am SO done with. I also feel wary, like, we shouldn’t spend so much money with the way the world is right now. I’d rather have savings in the bank and not luxuriate/spoil ourselves when the world is so rough. I don’t know. We’ll see.
Establish a personal desk/table/corner/space for my crafts/personal projects/special off-limits pens/whatever. Well, the table is ready, but covered with junk. Oh man, keeping surfaces free of garbage/other people’s mail takes such freaking EFFORT. I have an empty set of plastic drawers set up under the table. Next step: unpack all my desk stuff from the old house. I still have no stationary, pens, stamps, my address book, etc., at hand.
When not on vacation/sick/out of the office, respond to email within 48 hours. I think I’m getting better, but how can one know for sure? Just kidding. I know one can know for sure. I think to test myself on this it would be a good idea to put some kind of alert on emails that haven’t been dealt after 48 hours.
~~Fix our goddamn roof.~~ YES DONE! One actual task checked off the list!
Obtain access to a functional and comfortable bicycle. No progress.
Create playroom space in our basement. No progress. Jeez, the basement is still half full of packed boxes from moving.
Swimming lessons for Liddie. No progress.
Take Liddie ice skating. No progress.
Help my mom move out of our family home. Ease this transition as much as possible with significant practical and emotional support, i.e. a substantial stay with her this spring. Cry as much as needed. Do not withdraw, do not fail to show up for this. I’ve blocked a week on my calendar in April when I might go, stay, and help, but need to, you know, talk to Mom about this and make sure it works for her schedule.
Cruise on my brother’s schooner!!! Mom has booked her trip for the first week of August and invited Sam and me to join. We need to figure out what we’d do with Liddie and if we can manage it in general–but the door is open.
Make regular donations to worthy causes. Yes! Ongoing! Monthly gifts set up to ACLU (doubled my existing monthly gift after the travel ban) and Planned Parenthood. Annual memberships to the Detroit Zoo and the Detroit Institute of Art. Instead of signing up for TSA pre-Check as I had planned, I gave the $85 as a one time gift to the International Rescue Committee. Add to this existing monthly gift to the Uganda Community Project.
Visit with Liddie’s birthmother in person at least once. Aim for three times. Need to get in touch with her. Sent some pictures after Liddie’s birthday, but haven’t tried to set up a meeting yet.
Do something fun on purpose for my birthday. This won’t be til June.
Participate in the neighborhood yard sale. See above.
Go to the beach. Ehhhh, there’s time, there’s time.
Find a way that also works for spouse to regularly schedule to space and time to myself that does not involve staying up puttering until 1 a.m.: mental health days, Saturday mornings out, whatever. Well, I was sick yesterday and slept literally the entire day. Does that count? Also, Sam took L to the grocery store this afternoon (right now) and I am supposed to be vacuuming (see no. 46)
Set up auto-pay or reminders as appropriate to pay all bills on time. Well, I got in a fight with a customer service rep at AmEx because I couldn’t log into the site on the day my bill was due, and wanted them to waive my late fee, and they did, but then the guy got condescending with me about why it was my fault that I couldn’t log into the site….so, that counts, right? In all seriousness, I am starting to get a fresh handle on our finances in this new house world and that’s a good thing.
Clean house more consistently. Sweep, vacuum and bathrooms weekly, that would be a significant improvement and good enough. I’m hitting maybe 50% of my very minimal house cleaning goals. We are constantly drowning in laundry and dishes, and getting out in front of that often feels impossible and discouraging.
See more movies in the theater. Enough movies that I’m not devastated every time I manage to go and it doesn’t live up to my expectations. I love going to the movies. It brings me joy and it is probably the number one thing that I used to do a lot of and now do practically none of. So far zero movies in 2017. 😦
See at least one live theater performance. Booked! Going to see Fun Home in June when it passes through East Lansing.
Have a big-ass Christmas tree. A little early to tackle this one.

Chameleon in Boots

Category Archives: What I’m watching